so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
