Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
