You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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