just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
