I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
