Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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