You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
