Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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