You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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