no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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