my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
