Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
please come you make the beer taste better
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
