What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
