we're chasing vodka with high fives
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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