Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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