he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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