Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
