either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am midnight drunk by noon
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
