i would punch a child for taco bell
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize