kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
