Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
