Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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