garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
