everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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