trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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