so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
