i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
