Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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