Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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