i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize