just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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