I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
