If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
