Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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