That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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