We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
