my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
