I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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