Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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