Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
