Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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