so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
