Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
