Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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