Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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