his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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