I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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