Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize