Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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