his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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