So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
