So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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