Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
