he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize