I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
