How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize