Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
