loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
