Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
