Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
